DEVILCAKE | BLOODCLOT | DD & THE TTs
Thursday, April 17, 2003
High Five

The first gig of the 2K3 and what's become something like an annual appearance at High Five for us. Seems like we play there once a year, usually during the summer. And that suits me just fine.

On the evening of show I arrived late (as usual) but not as late as some were predicting. I've found that hanging around at High Five is something I really need to be in the mood for and I definitely wasn't in the mood for any shenanigans on this particular rock 'n' roll Thursday night. So I got there as late as I possibly could. Which worked very well for me because everyone else in the band was already set up and ready to rock. All I had to do was plug in my amp (easier said than done on the dark stage when all of the electrical outlets were already claimed by bigger amps), plug in my bass (easier said than done when the soundman is crawling all over my paltry "rig" and plugging in the DI box) and tune up (which was easy because I used MCB's tuner pedal.).

My arms will still wobbly and my head was slightly spinny from carrying in that ungodly heavy bass amp several blocks up 5th Ave, and I never really regained my bearings once my shit was set up and we were on the tractor beam to showtime. Mentally, I was extremely hyper but I just couldn't seem to focus on anything.

Playing fretless bass onstage is almost like work because I have to look down at the neck all night. It's not like a regular fretted bass and my aim is impaired by the stage lights and an overall lack of technique (which is required of any Devilcake bassist). And anything resembling work onstage with Devilcake is not cool. Not for me anyway.

So even before we played a note I was already wobbly, unfocused, tired/wired and extra shaky from being such a wimp. Showtime was called and we made our way to the stage.

And again, I know I say it in every gig diary because I either forget at the time or it just doesn't seem important, but for me, rocking out with all the stage lights on is a losing proposition. Note to self: see previous notes to self about onstage lighting.

So um, all the lights were on and they stayed on the whole time we played. I feel really self-conscious when there's no darkness to disappear into between songs. I feel like a science project on the stage, like everyone is looking at us through a microscope. Feeling self-conscious onstage usually translates to me spending waaaaay too much time at the microphone between songs. I try to make myself loosen up by making a bunch of typically useless and retarded observations into the mic - and it usually just makes me feel more awkward and distanced from rocking out. But at the time it feels utterly necessary. I see holes in the performance and I want to fill them. All at once. It's futile and stupid but that's where my head was on this particular rock 'n' roll Thursday night.

We started with Marshmallow in the full glare of the lights. Then I think we did Wienermobile. The bass chords on the chorus are hard enough to play on a regular fretted bass, but on the fretless it's always a mess. And it wasn't rocking me to play, despite my best efforts. I was making the motions but I wasn't feeling them.

We've played the exact same set before, to much smaller audiences and I've felt every note of it. And that's nice when it can happen but that wasn't the case for me at this show.

Gourley's vocals came off the track a few times but nobody else lost their place. He seemed to be struggling too, I don't know.

There were several lulls between songs. I think it's important to not be tied down to a dogmatic set list because you can't react to the moment. You're looking down and literally playing to the piece of paper. You're mentally checking off the songs and you're thinking about what comes next. Instead of existing in the moment and playing the piss out of the song you're playing.

However, the downside to having no set list is when no one can think of what song to play next. You wind up standing there throwing titles around and it feels unprofessional. So I guess there is a balance to be struck.

We played Pizza Party at some point and Sacrificial Leg Of Lamb, Deez Nuts, um...

Pizza Party was tough because even though all of the notes were there and we played it exactly as it was written, it still felt hollow and weird to me. I can usually dredge up a scream at the end of the song from the depths of my soul but I wasn't feeling it that night. I was considering not screaming at all. That would've been a better course of action.

We played Pie, Hair Pie and I Want A Big Mac. And Fribble at the end.

I was already shaky and out of it before we began, so by the end of the set I was having an out of body experience. I gathered my gear as quickly as possible and got it out the back door.

It was good to comiserate with Kyle Foolery and the others out back afterwards. Even a little bit of support on an evening such as this is extremely rewarding. It doesn't take much. But it's always good to know when peeps who aren't directly related to the band in some way actually get it. And I'm not just talking about enjoying the spectacle, I'm talking about really understanding what Devilcake is.

So I wouldn't say it was a bad show by any stretch. I still think that Devilcake at its worst is more entertaining than the majority of the bands we've played with. No one else in the band complained (apart from Todd sabotaging his keyboard by accidentally unplugging it) and we just kinda did our thing and left. I would've preferred to play a shorter set. I didn't have any "oh hell yeah" moments all night either.

I think I usually feel this way when we play at High Five. Sometimes, in the glare of all those damn lights, it feels to me like we're just pushing a lot of hot air. And that people aren't surprised by us or what we do, and they're not necessarily interested either. And that's fine actually, but at least turn off the fucking lights so I can create the mental illusion of there being a huge audience that's really into it out there. Come on.